I used to like this time of the year. A time when all that newspapers features are look-backs on the past year, in individualized sections. grouped into movies, home, sports etc so we can take stock in a more organized manner. A way of looking back in a nostalgic, oh-man-i-remember-that, laugh-at-ourselves way. It gives you an option: easy and simple. Count your blessings, understand your worldviews, look back on the world on an annual, calendar-year basis. It's reassuring, to know that the media and the hardworking journalists (which now includes two friends) have done it for you: diligently divided the year into the Best and Worst of 2007, subcategoried, ready-with-opinions, for easy digestion.

But then you realize that the packaged look-back was of the world, and not yours. And that's where you have to come in: you are Supposed to look back on your year, think about it, (you dont' necessarily have to come to conclusions), be motivated enough to come up with New Year Resolutions, and then when all that is done, take out your party hats and poppers, and celebrate the New Year.

I think it's terrifying. I don't know if taking stock on a calendar-year basis is the best way actually: for me maybe my 'year' started when i ended my jc life, or started the nS one, or when my hair grew back. And should i sub-divide my year into aspects of family,relationships,art,material purchases. Maybe some people look back on photos, others may look back on the movies that acted as distance-markers for themselves ( when stardust came out it meant i was 3/4 through 2007; the invasion meant august or september). And I actually know of someone who might just do that, considering the number of movies she watches. I don't know how i'm supposed to look back on my year. I don't even have a diary, and it appears blog entries are too sporadic to mean anything. Although they do mark the sporadic and unscheduled moments. And random musings. Ok see let's skip that,

Or if my year should be 'taken-stock' of at all. Isn't life supposed to be one giant flowing stream of what-not, pulling you along? I know its been dragging me along. As I'm stumbling and tumbling. And i think that's where i am right now: lost, but life doesn't spare me, and pulls me by the collar nonetheless, demanding that i herald the new year with everyone else. Nonetheless is such a definitive word to describe life. It messes up, nonetheless. Nonetheless, it's beautiful in its ways. It moves on, nonetheless. Nonetheless, my grammar still sceams for improvement. But,

Nonetheless, have a happy new year

I think i need to live in a tv-drama. where things fall apart for 3 episodes, but are rescued by a series of one-liners. where company arrives when you're alone on a bench by the beach. where emotion is displayed on faces; steel faces show a hint of a smile, eyes narrow in non-pent up anger. where music kicks in from the background: Oasis, The killers, Jem, U2, during a montage of nice moments. and the camera zooms out on a happy end to the episode. where things fall apart for 3 episodes but are rescued by one-liners

to the person on the train with Avril Lav1nge on his ringtone:

HEY HEY YOU YOU I don't like your ringtone
NO WAY NO WAY you should get a new one

another moment on the mrt: the train jerked a couple of times during its journey and people started stumbling(tumbling). a collision of sorts. different sorts of people. and smiles revealed themselves everywhere; smiles from stranger to stranger, apologetic for crashing into each other. a brief collision where everyone connected: simply as commuters on the train after a hard day.

e-donuts??? must be cyber food. fancy! kind of like the Creme de la Mushroom they serve us at co0khouses. no thanks to mushroom soup thanks

the technician lifestyle has pervaded into my tumultuous dreams. i dreamt that i was telling this guy i could fix that hose

me: can fix la, just pull the cache !
(image of a coupling, with a pull-able cache)

i wake up, switch on the bedside light, go behind my computer, touch the wires, and contemplate pulling one out. i get a rude snap back to reality and go back to bed, thinking:

what the hell????

i'm serious! oh no....

repairing vehicles teaches you stuff. like what the phrase "throw a spanner in the works" really means, literally. (read: spare-nuh, not spah-nah)

i was at the library yesterday reading magazines. as it was half an hour to closing, this male librarian walked past me, snapped his fingers at me, and asked if i was "going to read that"-

well "YEA" i'm in the library.


there's this person on my msn list whose nick says: "went on a drip...". after almost one year i see him logged in , with the same nick. to this acquaintance on msn:

are you okay????

yesterday i was travelling home on the mrt with The peak hour crowd. and jurong everyone got up to exit, and the people on the platform crowded around to board, and... the doors didnt open for a few minutes. and suddenly it became very interesting to me: people on two sides of the doors; getting in, getting out, getting somewhere. and i realized

it was a mirror: the looks on their faces told stories of frustration, tiredness, nochalance. pictures of : i'm-going-for-a-date-damn-this-train-driver, huh-what's-happening, just-got-promoted, just-failed-maths-again, these-heels-hurt, 59seconds-60seconds-61seconds, the-toto-outlet-is-gonna-close, huh-what's-happening, wait-is-today-tuesday-or-wednesday, heng-today-never-OT, and-what-the-heck-is-happening.

for me my face read: someone-needs-to-haul-the-new-driver-out-and-retrain-him

it was like movies of twenty people at that moment. so many stories to tell, to read! i can see them already: The Story of Woman in Black Dress, A Day in the Life of School-boy Tan, Train-stopping, Mundane Affairs, Life in the Fast Lane...or Not, The Platform. it was like time slowed down, and played out frame by frame. then the doors opened and

you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
(piano interlude)

a long time ago i mentioned that i put my two dollars to good use when i buy $2 duck rice from a stall near my house. i am proud to announce, as a major shareholder, that thanks to my continued and fervent support for their pricing techiniques, community-mindedness and above-average product during their crucial, in-the-red initial periods;

the stall's business is now thriving, and the duck-rice sellers are now enjoying their supernormal profits. their loyal customers have been rewarded with the same attractive price and above-average food. such is the importance of my previous investment in this business venture. however, notably, the owners have refused to offer me complimentary meals despite my role as major shareholder

sometimes i wake up from a dream, and the whole mystery of the dream comes to me, unravelling, bit by bit. and its magical, and scary at the same time. how the dreams duplicate and reveal the consciousness that streams through your mind by day

i was at the park downstairs, sitting at a bench making a phone call. and this korean kid comes to sit down beside me. it stunned me, strangely; something so normal and simple, yet something the adult's world has turned strange. would you sit at a bench with a stranger? maybe we all should

i realized something typical of me: i make lists of things to watch and read, but only 10% gets accomplished. here goes anyway:

watch: fight club, pulp fiction, reservoir dogs, little miss sunshine, raging bull
read: on beauty, kite runner, freakanomics, blink, about a boy, on chesil beach

dvds to lend me, anyone? and then i'll be a typical tWeeN and use sTriKeOuTs to cancel out stuff from my list. oh wait they only pretend-type strikedout stuff when they've done it before they even made the list

at this very moment i hear my father making a lot of noise in the living room. i checked; he's talking to himself while watching some channel 8 game show where they flip open boxes to match prizes. my sister came into my room to tell me "your father is crazy"

the person at the pool place went up to shuojie, points at me, and asked how old i was. i had to prove it with my 11B. AAHHH

i went to the library that night to read: went to the quiet reading room, decided it was stuffy, went to look at magazines, went to sit down with a comic, and the library announced it was closing in 5 minutes

that day i saw this woman on the pavement break into a smile when she read an sms. random, but made me think about how every single person is beautiful, the same. but that kind of feeling usually doesn't last long; the next moment i see someone scowl because she had to move to allow someone to take the window seat beside her on the bus.

same, but different.

lessons to be learnt:
a) never drop a nut while trying to screw it back in
b) especially into the engine compartment

....


i believe that there are only a few types of korean dramas:
1. lovers turn out to be siblings
2. guy/girl asked to act as lover, ends up as real lovers
3. lover dying from terminal disease
4. lover loses memory
5. guy/girl falls for someone with a heart implant from previous lover

my mum would protest

yesterday i went downstairs for a short spin on my vehicle (3 gears, 2 wheels) and stopped to play soccer with the people downstairs. the boy that everyone calls "nobody" ("eh Nobody you on whose team?") is Still, Nobody. but i think he plays better now, and has no signs of depression, still.

ok i confess: many times i wanted to update this blog but didnt cos i wanted to see how much patience ppl like janice had in trying to revive this through the tagboard. haha

to prevent this blog from becoming ranting-rambling@blogspot i decided to type very little about my life from-book-in-to-book-out. training to be a arm0ured veh1cle tech. which means life in future with an arm0ur un1t will be far from the heaven now at ___.

I think lightning flashes are really camera flashes from the unknown beyond. especially when you hardly hear the thunder and the flash illuminates your whole room silently. so you should grin and wave back actually-

flash- (grin)

my latest addition to my book collection is the book i just finished reading, NickHornby's HighFidelity. four dollars, second hand. At the second hand book stall i happened to come upon this gem- the other customers must feel helpless as i snatch this from under their noses, among the repeated titles of IanRankin and MichaelCrichton. a steal!

i am somewhat proud of my small but varied collection; its very unjudgeable. you can't say im a Grisham fan, cos i only have 4 books (2 unread), and i have british authors Hornby and Stephen Clarke (?), and i have ColdMountain(unread), two harrypotters, one foxtrot and one VforVendetta (gift). I try to hide the Garfields that i have. And on the shelf above: twenty or so Animorphs from the previous reading era. Below, all the enforced purchases like chinese books for holiday reading, and the secondary school lit books. I think i have a collection of randomness

i was at the library after dinner to speed read what i had left on HighFidelity by NickHornby. it was overdue already. at the super comfy couch, i heard a phone vibrate (the muffled way it does when in a bag, or on a sofa). but when i turned it was actually the person mumbling(reading) out her notes to herself. do alot of people do that? i considered getting up and moving somewhere else but that might seem obnoxious and irritating since i just sat there (the irony). so anyway i failed to finish the book by the library's full-time whistle, but i thought, oh well, i'll just return it first and borrow another copy. returned it, but the book could not be found on the shelves. oh my gosh i think it was a conspiracy against people like me who return books overdue. the librarians observed me reading this overdue book(quick check in their systems) through the security cameras and hid the other copies from the shelves to deny me the chance to find another copy to finish reading it. so i went up to the librarian...

me: hello please let me borrow another copy of the book
librarian: no.

or:
me: hello please let me borrow another copy of the book or i'll throw this thing at you
librarian: brochure

or:
me: hello please let me borrow the book or else
librarian:(phone) security?

so after considering all possible scripts i decided that all confronation will fail. oh well

the irony of fat swimming coaches! and this is brilliant: the floor beside the pools are stony and prickly so you can't run on them, cos it hurts your feet like hell. no need for "no running beside pool" signs anymore.

hello boredom

wouldn't it be great if everything was red or green - not in between; and greenish blue and blu-ish green were the same thing (fifty fifty composition), and leaves were green as they are seen, not as they are known to be. and crayons come colour labelled, art classes do without colouring, and the world came in pastel and primary. but then where would the fun be

sometimes you see something, or something pops up in your head, and it stays there the whole day. it may be a phase, something you heard, or some minor observation. a mystery in your mind that begs to be solved. it haunts you, it eats you up. kinda like a melody which is so familiar but u just can't remember where it's from so you ask every single person you meet. or the name of the current manager of everton (moyes?), or the one-hit-wonders ( guysebastian, rachel stevens from s-club seven (haha or no-hit) ), or the singers of Big yellow taxi ( ___ and vanessa carlton?), or the runner up to fantasia (still got me). it nibbles at the back of your mind, waiting to be tackled.

so today for me it was this: this woman was wearing a shirt that said: "KISS MY AMRS". misspelling of arms? but why would you do that? (even google suggested this misspelling to me). wat happened to kissmyass? what is an AMR???? i have yet to attain enlightenment on this one



i think the current channel8drama is one of the worst ever produced. but i watch every time i'm free. oh no..
that day at the playground, where i was contentedly rocking back and forth on those rocking things (here its a duck), with maids chatting in the background, and watching with much amusement two boys playing with a paper areoplane. which flew/floated well, from the hills they threw it from. (i can't rmbr why i was there, probably to get out of the house) Then the paper aeroplane hit me at the back of the head. oh my god what were the chances! ....so i managed a nochalant, "aha-you-cute-kids, got-me!" smile and decided home was safer

You know how in movies, a person cycles through a pavement full of pigeons, and the camera draws back, and the pigeons flock and fly away? ok keep that image in mind...so i was cycling home from my grandma's house and there's a field full of those medium sized crane-like white birds. and im cycling on a pavement maybe 100 metres away. and then this one bird and a black one (a crow? or a black crane? cool! ) decide to take their quarrel outside and they fly haphazardly away from the field, towards the pavement from my left. intriguing

and then the white bird smashes right into my left leg as i cycle. oh my god what were the chances! what happened to the birds' awesome maneuvering, like the lories in the Loryloft i worked at! oh the bird's fine, by the way. i was shocked and left my mouth gaped open until i noticed people were looking at me

things don't happen like in the movies.

i can't stand it when i ask the nasi lemak guy(chinese, bored, mumbling) ignores my questions when i ask what that particular dish is. when i point to something to ask what it is (you know how the sweet and sour pork, chicken and fish all look the same), he just grabs it for me like i said i wanted it. HELLO i only ASKED wat it is. grr.

sometimes i like travelling on public transport. it offers you some anonymity. i become small, and invisible, and i can show a black face to total strangers. its strange, because public transport actually gives you private space. (-which is like blogging, where it's supposedly public, but one probably blogs more for oneself. see, the same way no one reads this)

travelling gives you time to rethink issues. so you spend half a journey identifying the issue, the next quarter debating over whether it's worth thinking about, and the last quarter staring-into-space. and you reach your destination maybe a little more confused.

with some people, you can never tell what they're thinking or feeling. i wish i was mysterious and enigmatic. but the guy next to me can probably write a book about me. which reminds me of those people with heads tilted 45degrees to the side, prying into my smses. i really should stare back

today i burnt my finger while cooking instant noodles. oh my god, what were the chances. these days i spend approximately 3quarters of my 24-hour day in silence, with no one to talk to. i was so relieved when a surveyor approached me and asked me random questions, that i stopped to answer her. sometimes its not that there's no one you could tell stuff to, but no-one you would. maybe that's scarier.

chronicles of the unemployed. i think i'm gonna start re-reading my harry-potters! i think i'll just give up halfway though.. just like my plan to re-read my whole animorphs collection

This morning i was dramatically woken up by a neon flashing thought somewhere between my subconscious and conscious telling me: my ic is not in my wallet cos i left it at k-pool two days ago. dramatic huh! i amaze myself! so i dragged myself all the way down to collect it, reading spiderman along the way.

at the mrt station i saw this jewellery ad that said: Vanity is a Virtue. ok...explain that to me again. next thing you know, they'll be saying greed is good.

another random thing: when i go downstairs to play soccer with some kids, there's this kid called Nobody. "Eh Nobody u go that team!". ok he didnt seem to have self esteem problems....yet

there's this old woman always sitting near the mrt station and selling tissue on the ground. and i always wonder if she is reading the papers she sits on, or at least looking at the pictures. and there's this other "busker" who plays an electronic keyboard, just that he puts it on one of those auto melodies that are memorized in the keyboard, and passes off by pressing two or more white keys in a rhythm. hmmm..

and there are those donation seekers who are around my age and i can see them mentally pounce on me when i'm 10 metres away. and they start off saying: "hi i'm not selling anything here...". but why does it cost money and why do you take a commission? ok random thoughts occur when u go to the mrt station too much. $2 leh. tts how much a plate of roast duck rice costs at the hawker centre near my house. and i'm determined to support that stall cos if it closes, it means no more cheap meals for me and that would be costly in the long run. so i really can't pay for your $2 worth of vouchers cos if i do, this stall may go bust and thousands of people will have to suffer if their cost of living increases by 50cents per day. gulp!

im a blogger addict. cos its cold and wet everywhere so its either the computer or tv... anyway i had a moment of discovery that other day. why are slippers called slippers? well they do slip right onto your feet but why not call them slip-ons? the truth that the govts have been hiding for years: slippers are meant to make you slip. that's why they're slipp-ers. i walk like a duck with slippers on wet floor

i suspect its a conspiracy to show thedayaftertommorow, which i just watched, during this dreadful season. reminds you how cold and wet you feel as well. brrr. oh and, take note of the number of ads (plot a graph or something for those on receptionist jobs with computers and no-one in the office and are too free such that blogging on the job is possible :p) of panadol-cold/vaporex/all things warm and nice (including the flyingdutchman's satay ad for thedancefloor) that are about to invade local television. its a dreadful-weather conspiracy for the media industry

there was this morning where the alarm clock woke me up at 10+. i woke up, walked to the dining room, and spent some time wondering why i had set the alarm that early. and i decided there was no reason i should be up at such a time so i went back to sleep. boring but true

anyway, many friends are going to be going into The Service very soon. ok good luck!

its rainy again today...maybe that's why i'm blogging at all. and i've been doing nothing recently. i want to watch movies but im running out of money. time to cash out my thousand dollar cheques i guess. another revelation: the irish guy who talked to me on msn some time ago? a fake. i decided to say hi one day, and saw hdb estates in his display pic. so i said " how do you find singapore" and he confessed. (i know, i'm cool. like andy lau in infernalaffairs) he's from ntu or something. save me i have a stalker! i still have no idea why he's preying on me

one day i wanna work in the night safari or birdpark or zoo or something