hello. haha alright it was too tempting to not-blog just to prove janice's reverse psychology attempts futile. anyway, right, i'm back, for a while.

actually i've been neglecting this space recently partly because i've been spending more time on atumble.tumblr.com, so yeah, do visit it! it's a new thing, and i don't know how far it's going, but well, it appears more sustainable to me right now. i'm just running out of things to talk about, maybe.

my dad came home yesterday and was over the moon at coming in fourth in his annual bowling competition, and at the fact that he scored the highest game of 240, beating others who have expensive bowling balls and shoes, and practice way before the competition, while he only bowls that one time a year. haha. he's always returning with all these random triumphs. that day he was telling me about how he got scolded by his boss for no reason, but he made it sound like his triumph in a way. i really can't explain it. and oh no this is the person i'm gonna grow up to be like!

i think i'm really terrible at driving. hence i shall save up more money, for a better bicycle. and cycle for the next 30 years under the pretext of eco-friendliness.

one week of leave! and i'm bent on making it fulfilling. so far it's been great! new stuff and things to do i need more than a week away

unwelcome aches in my body. oh no it's the pre-sick feeling. flying tmr but for some reason i'm not feeling anything. typical: nothing seems to hit hard these days. i think it's my new personal rule: i never worry about my tomorrow, today. sounds like a plan for disaster

we're always one step from disaster anyway. disaster's gotta be quick, sudden, and unexpected. why else would it be one? sounds like my personal maxim is reasonable after all

i spend pre-flight day drawing. it's kinda great to suddenly pick up my sketchbooks and pencils again. life got in the way for two years! at times its a pendulum between frustration and creation. but it all happens in this little untouchable cocoon; a world simple and cemented in the Today. tomorrows and yesterdays vanish, for that little while. moments where, everything seems kinda okay.

in other news, did another threadless submission! gotta wait for them to accept though. by then i wont be around to see it score badly but oh well! sending anyway. link from atumble.tumblr.com.

right. here are my personality test results. its quite generic eh, and hasnt told me anything that i havent learnt from previous personality tests yet. but still! it makes me sound good so i suspect that's how personality tests succeed: they just boost your ego a bit and then make you think the test is good. ok this is just wordy so i guess you can skip the following

You are a Visionary

Your imagination, self-assuredness, and knowledge of the world combine to make you a VISIONARY.

You have clear notions of how things could be, and the confidence to try to make them that way.

You enjoy having a routine, and prefer comfort and familiarity to risk and adventure.

Not needing others' approval to forge ahead, you are confident in your designs for the future.

Your imagination allows you to envision the world as a better place.

You're better at thinking of the big picture than you are with details, and you can see wonder in abstract things.

Style and appearances are important to you, and you have a good eye for beauty.

You are somewhat rigid in your beliefs, which comes from both confidence and an aversion to change.

You are good at creating works of art in forms with which you're familiar.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time. You are Benevolent You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself. Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment. You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice. You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met. Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others. Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes. Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.

gosh . sorry! but i've got to do some self publicity:



and this! will be sorta a running site for my t-shirt stuff in the future ( i hope!) :

atumble.tumblr.com

do drop me a vote if you like the design(s) ! thanks

like how we're defined by the brands we wear, drink, read, eat, and suscribe to, we're also defined by the people interactions with people. or maybe it's just me. i'm a slightly different person per person. it's identity erosion, it's unreal, but it's inescapable. and sometimes this mash of persons in me will mess up. and we're all walking on balance beams: we quaver, and hesitate, and when we finally find our footing we take bigger strides, gain momentum, and move ourselves on. but then sometimes a breeze or step on the beam gets in my way, and i lose my footing. i take a while, retrace steps and then regain momentum. and i break into a run so that it's harder to be affected by the gentle pushes or the world spinning around you

and sometimes i think one has to lose oneself, to find oneself. this is again very Frost (memory fails me as i try to recall the poem's title) but i guess it's something of a reworking of these old ideas. its one reason i don't mind getting lost anywhere in singapore- how often does that happen? and when it does, you know the safety of familiarity is nearby. i take the chance to enjoy the walk

watched a movie alone. it's a breakthrough, and only people who have done so before would understand; and there's no compelling need to explain Ourselves to Others who do not See. it's a date with myself.

and then i realize i do that often. part of growing up is moving yourself along, alone. it's not emo. it's not old. it's just me-time. like taking a walk- one day i had to submit a form at a communitycentre and it was great to go out for a walk. with damien rice; jason mraz and john mayer plugged into the ears (thank goodness we live fully in the age of portable music). and it was a walk where there were no 'issues in the head' to clear up. and we should be thankful for these times, as and when they happen. because life moves on so fast sometimes we don't have conscious memories of these times of plain, simple, normalcy. the magic in taking a walk is really, in the walk itself. and to pull myself away before any more Frost and autumn-ness takes over-

taiwan was, in a word, TAIFUN. it was really the company too. the lazing in bed post-sloppy breakfast; the rushing around for the sights, sounds and shopping; the reckless photography- springing in goofy faces as and when we could; pillow-wars and photo-whores; endless television with hotel conversation; donuts, coke, delicacies and raw disgust (ahem). part fascination, part familiarity with a culture not too far from our own. pure killing instincts whenever a certain alarm stabbed us in our sleep, early in the morning. was fun! janice's blog will, probably, chronicle it better than i ever could.

Watching soyouthinkyoucandance on tv reignited some passion for reality tv. Good old reality tv. It brings the best and worst out of people. And it brings out the couch potato and tv addict in you.

There's something about watching people quarrel, breakdown, celebrate, cry or make a mess of themselves on television that captivates and enthralls the average audience. It's not like you even have anything to do with runways, dance floors, photoshoots, board rooms; or even isolated islands or globe-races. Nothing really close to the daily grind we trudge through, or the unimportant, self-obsessed activities that characterize and give shape to our weeks. Yet, reality tv moves, and raises you. It brings you back to basics without realizing it: the very foundations of the appeal of tv. It's about living another life; stepping through a wardrobe into another 'reality', so to speak. And the google box brings us places, brings realities to us on plates.

And it works its magic in ways we do not comprehend. Even with its contradictions: in spite of the way it moves you as you watch the contestants rise and fall, reality tv hardly effects any change in your life. It's the safe-ness of tv that we succumb to: a diehard subscription to tv-lives lived vicariously, but never made our own. Where we can still switch off, literally, and walk away - back to the bored moments, and boring motions in our lives.I guess there's always magic in a life not yours

You know the feeling that someone is watching you in the lift, although you're alone? This has come true.

A short account by #32

day one -
the Management installs CCTV that watches the lift lobby, and video-feeds to the LCD screen. this means that while you are waiting for the lift, the screen shows live footage of your back view, from the camera at the top, the eye of an owl that never, ever sleeps. but watches, and records. every move you make.

same day-
the Management sends a note to every doorstep:
Don't worry, we're watching over you.

days later-
the new lift they were constructing? completed. bright, fast, and new. mirrors around so you can inspect yourself, tweak your appearance, un-mangle your hair, pose, and prepare. problem is, it has a camera installed inside. problem two: the camera feeds to the same LCD screen in the lift lobby. imagine the horror! paranoia grips you while you're in the lift. people are watching. it's the people. it's the Management. they know about Us. there is no escape. We decide to put all meetings in the lift on hold, to see if it's safe. the Heads are at discussion. we await their decision.

days later-
what does this all mean? you may ask, young reader. it means our movement is restricted. the sole place we could transmit valuable encrypted notes is lost; our networks cut. Agents cannot appear friendly, for fear the Management would suspect liasons. we cannot sing to ourselves in the lift, talk to ourselves, dance like a rockstar. we cannot even change out of our Everyday clothing into our supersuits. Management sends another note:
Don't worry, we're watching you.

unknown time-
we've fled the premises. the Agency sent a burn-after-reading note, instructing us to do so. shortly before this, Management were sending forces down the corridors, cleaning out houses, checking genetic codes. escaped out of the window while i still could. suffered a cut on my knee. heading towards location P. god knows when i can write again.

(partially based on the true events of the installation of the lift CCTV)

today in camp i said:
"this feels endless. I feel like I was just here yesterday". but the irony was just left to tend to itself; people paid no attention. It was not a sense of deja vu, more a sense of endlessness. like a looping record - someone needs to change the disc please

The moment when you just snap out of a dream is magical. In that instant you are washed with loss, and left futilely grabbing for shreds of a memory, or rather, moments that flee from the 'Present' created in the dream, towards the Past and the Future. For dreams seem to spin yarns and weave stories about the future, drawing from the past, and the canvases of recent Presents. We're often left hanging, eyes still sleep-filled, for endings and conclusions of these dreams. If only endings came that easy!

Recollection (not out of nostalgia, or pretence) :
I remember this one dream from a long time ago vividly; I was at a stairwell in bras basah complex, with xx, and the ceiling turned into this sky of stars; a swirling sea of bright lights. Very much Harry Potter like! Stars in stairwell sky. stars familiar and unfamiliar; stars that point the future, with light from the past. And the stars danced to an infinity. I pointed out Orion.

And that was all i remember when I woke up. It was a cool scene. Someday I'll have it in a film! Maybe.

The Sun's Inching Closer

Crazy, cruel, relentless, raging, unbearable, unbelievable GLOBAL WARMING.

It's here. And it's hitting us hard. Beginning with the hottest summer yet. melt-your-bones, crave-for-cones, stay-at-home, iced-water-guzzling, fans-a-blasting, 3-baths-a-hour, desperate-for-a-shower kind of hot.

These are desolate times. We need to band together. It is a time when you get preyed on by advertising and make bad, subconscious decisions. Hold on while i go grab a bottle of ice cold coke from my fridge. And change my wallpaper to a picture of a bottle of cold Snapple.

It's times like these when we need the support groups. as a community suffering, not so much in silence, but in the apathy that pervades if we do nothing about it. Live Aid Concerts, Earth Hours, Earth Days I say! Just leave the air conditioning on while we cut off the rest of the power.

Everyone can contribute in their own ways. Be it well-meaning self-help survival guides for the weather (Summer Survival Guide, LamFunky) ; or pointless ranting with green messages not-so-sneakily inserted (The Sun's Inching Closer, yours truly), we can all make a difference.

Start today. Plant a tree; recycle the recyclable; live by candles at night; go on a week-long ipod strike so you don't keep charging it; watch less reality tv; keep the mini coopers at home and take the bus; plant more trees.

It helps. Let's begin. After American Idol.